Cara's Loves

Just. Do. It.

2012-02-13T19:10:00.002-06:00

I made a decision last spring, to attempt National Board Certification. In the teaching world, this is a pretty big professional milestone. I went into it with overwhelming confidence --I didn't even CONSIDER the idea that it may be a goal for which I am not quite ready. I have only completed 1 of the 4 portfolio entries and it is due at the end of March. I can't make myself write.

A week ago, I had a major jump drive setback. I hadn't "backed up" in months and I lost everything. The 1 portfolio entry was gone....and if I'm being honest, I was glad. I would blame my failure on the jump drive--and make plans to pay back the $2500. My wonderful husband (who has a ridiculous amount of faith in me) sent the jump drive to some data recovery center in California--they recovered the files and now I have no excuse for my procrastination. This embarrasses me--I'm usually very proud of the work that I do. I decided to try this because I wanted to become a better teacher. Now, I feel more like a college freshman, trying to finish a paper the night before it is due.

I try to teach my students the importance of being proactive--of finishing work early and taking pride in it. I am certainly not taking my own advice. Quit whining Cromwell. Quit blogging and work on portfolio 2.

Just. Do. It.

Miscellany Monday

2012-01-09T18:15:00.002-06:00

I'm happy that my return to the blogging world begins with Miscellany Monday. I'm so tired--that a profound/coherent post would be impossible to write.

Shanty Blues
1. We are currently living in a metal shop --- waiting on our new house to be finished. A close family friend offered us free shelter and we took it! While I am thankful--there are a few conveniences that I am desperately missing. Here is a condensed list: A tub, an oven, a garage, having more than 2 rooms, being able to shower without shoes, a washer/dryer, eating on something other than paper plates, heat (on really cold nights), happiness. Now that the new place has a roof, I am seriously considering an early move.

Is This Thing On?

2. Our school is on block scheduling. The students switched classes after winter break . My old students loved me--and I them. We understood each other--we had "inside jokes" and each class was comfortable. I'm pretty sure that my new kids think that I am crazy. We are 3 days in and it was time to pull out the witty teenage banter--I can usually get them on my side with a few jokes and some pop culture references (which I know, sounds like pandering, but I do what I have to do) No response. Crickets. It is going to be a long semester and this one woman show isn't very good without a receptive audience.

Over the Hill

3. I'm almost 30. Enough said.

"Words" that Move Me

2011-03-23T00:29:00.007-05:00

I have loved Ryan Adams for years and just as my mother used to say, "every song sounds better on vinyl." She was right. On this perfect Spring night, these "Words" move me.

"If every thing you want is something you couldn't have,
Go outside awhile, look up and count the clouds.

Can you draw a picture of the backyard, of the house you grew up in
can you remember how it smelled?
Don't worry up your mind, people are sick and mean sometimes.

They're only Words. Only Words.
If every body's grateful, how come nobody's satisfied?
If a tree falls in the woods and there ain't no one around.

If you heard it, you can go over and whittle out a wishing box.
You could write her name on something and put it inside.
Don't worry up your mind, people are sick and mean sometimes.
They're only words. It's only Words."

Oh, Ryan.

Birthday Fun + Saturday Night Grading

2011-03-12T22:36:00.008-06:00

My nephews are 2!

Sweet Big Sister was HUGE help today--fun afternoon turned into a boring Saturday night!

The Cashter

2011-03-07T19:31:00.004-06:00

LOVE the Cashter. I hope you have one of your own.

A Melee

2011-03-03T21:18:00.005-06:00

We jousted today in World History.
Only 10 days until SPRING BREAK!
I don't know if I can make it.

Where the Wild Things Are

2011-02-14T17:13:00.008-06:00

In the mornings before school--my classroom is one of my favorite places to be. I love my desk, with my pens and staplers. I love the smell of my Scentsy and the low volume of my ipod. I love having my materials ready and organized. I love planning a really good lesson (which by the way--I had a GREAT one planned today).

Today was our first day back after a long break (snow days) and the kids were NOT ready to LOVE the fall of Rome with me. It was a struggle to keep them focused and now, at 5:15 I am actually thinking about going to bed for the evening. To those of you who think teachers have it easy--you are wrong. You would know this if you could see my frizzy hair and the delirious look on my face.

I'm hoping for a more productive day tomorrow. If not, I only have 23 days until Spring Break.

I'm Back

2011-02-13T16:45:00.003-06:00

On Christmas Eve, Cash's mother passed away. She suffered from Lupus for many years and while the idea of death is always looming with a chronically sick individual, her passing took everyone by surprise. We received a call from Jan on that morning, saying she wasn't feeling well--and that she would rather us postpone our Christmas visit--but we decided to make the trip anyway and just as we arrived, she died.

This was a scenario that I knew all too well--and very quickly, I had flashbacks of the night my sweet mother died. The pain was fresh but this time, it was stronger. Seeing the fear and heartbreak on Cash's face was far worse than anything I have ever experienced. When you get married and take vows it is impossible to comprehend what they truly mean. I feel closer to my husband now, through his loss. He is the best part of me and such a strong man.

Winter came. It brought beautiful snow and school free days. It brought scarves and hats and hot chocolate. It brought all the things that I enjoy most. This year, it also brought extreme loss. I am hopeful that the next few months will bring positive changes for us. We are about to purchase a new home and hopefully, start a family. I didn't think it was possible, but I am actually looking forward to Spring---for new life--for vitamin D---and for happiness.

Oh Christmas Tree!

2010-12-06T17:25:00.003-06:00

Christmas lights make me happy---they take me back to this, one of my most precious memories.

Still Here

2010-12-05T14:47:00.001-06:00

I can't believe that is has been over 3 months since my last blog. I guess I've been busier than I realized. Between school, searching for houses, and school (did I mention, school?) I haven't had much time to spare. (If I follow my schedule, I only have 2 minutes for this blog)

I bought a pair of Christmas sleepy pants in early September (in protest of our SUPER MILD FALL) I've been wearing them EVERY NIGHT---I'm starting to think we might just skip winter altogether this year. This makes me sad....I look forward to the cold more than anything.

Well, research papers are calling. Just wanted to say that I'm still here...just longing for winter.

A Jello Surprise

2010-08-24T17:58:00.003-05:00

My school year is off to a great start. After all of the stress and apprehension, I can say that my students are wonderful. They are bright, motivated, cooperative, and a few are even insightful! I'm still getting to know them (so---they may still be on their "first week of school" good behavior) but I think it's going to be a good semester.

On another happy note--a few of my students from last term swiped my stapler and put it in jello. This may sound a bit odd--(and a bit like vandalism) but it was the highlight of my week. (probably the month!) The jello trick is from an episode of The Office--the show is a huge hit around our school (students & teachers alike LOVE it) and while their presentation wasn't so good, the sentiment (and sense of humor) was much appreciated. Sometimes, it is wonderful to be a teacher.

I Guess I'm Supposed to Learn Something

2010-08-09T23:08:00.004-05:00

A few years ago, I had a very challenging student. This young adult was highly intelligent but incredibly snide. Every comment was tainted with sarcasm and hatefulness. It was truly a weird situation--I admired the student because of their wit and intelligence--but the sour attitude spoiled the climate of the entire class. As an educator, it is my job to diffuse those situations--and to create a classroom environment that is conducive to learning. I was very inexperienced then and I allowed that toxic attitude to impact my teaching. I recently found out that I will have the sibling of this young adult. AWESOME.

I'm not the same teacher anymore though. I'm more experienced and confident--and frankly, this one can't be any worse, right? I really, really hope not.

If so, I guess I'm supposed to learn something.

School Year's Resolutions

2010-08-01T10:03:00.014-05:00

They say that many new teachers quit the profession in their 5th year. Well, I am beginning my 5th year and with the way last semester ended I can honestly say that I see why so many drop like flies.

Over the last few years I have allowed teaching to spill over into my personal life. I have a tendency to over plan (if that is possible) and I take on too many responsibilities outside of the classroom. While I know that it is necessary to plan and care and be involved, my brain and spirit can't handle a repeat of the last 2 semesters. The official school countdown has begun. I have 10 days...(holy cow, where did my summer go?) In the spirit of personal growth I have decided to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and create some guidelines for myself and this school year.

1. I will plan during my planning period. I get my classroom this year. If you know me, you know that I have had the wonderful privilege of sharing my classroom with those who don't have classrooms. Now I know that in this situation I am the luckier one (I do have a room) BUT 4 years of floating without a prep period was getting old. It was often impossible to PLAN without a computer or access to my materials. I am so very thankful and excited to be in my room!!! I'm hopeful that that this will cut down on the amount of time I spend grading and planning at home.

2. I will remember what it was like to be a first year teacher. This resolution is two-fold. I have the opportunity to be a mentor to a first year teacher within my department. This is a big responsibility. I had a wonderful mentor. She is the best teacher I've ever seen in action and she freely gave me advice and criticisms and I believe she made me a better teacher. I need to remember how scary it was to stand in front of a room full of 16 year olds for the first time. I need never to take for granted the simple fact that she is doing everything for the FIRST TIME. I also need to rekindle the excitement of being a first year teacher. Optimism is something that I lacked (TREMENDOUSLY) last year and I think it will make all the difference.

3. I will maintain a personal life. This has been a HUGE problem over the last few years. I have a tendency to put my WHOLE self into the job. I want to succeed and I want the kids to learn and have a great time. This often leads to absolutely NO time for anything fun. My poor husband is a great man. (He goes on 11 o'clock coffee runs and goes to Walgreens to pick up more of my favorite grading pens---this year, no more). I am going to do things that I enjoy. While I know that AP exams and research papers need to be graded in timely manner--a movie on a school night is ACCEPTABLE. Weekends are going to be spent shopping, and going to concerts, and movies, and spending time with the Cashter and Pearl. (I always function better after Pearl/Faye time)

4. I will be healthy. (Yes, this is the typical resolution) I am going to lose weight. I am going to get the proper amount of sleep. I am going to exercise. I am going to drink more water. I am NOT going to eat school lunches. I am going to feel better about myself--and this will definitely spill over into the classroom.

I would be lying if I said these were really professional goals. Let's face it. These changes will hopefully keep me from quitting in the middle of the school year.

Slumber Par-tay!

2010-07-29T00:34:00.011-05:00

School is about to start so Pearl and I decided to have a slumber party to celebrate our quickly shrinking break. Fun with Oliver Cromwell, Mac Photobooth, and old love letters/pictures!! We even busted out the Homecoming Crown! What a wonderful night!

Miscellany Monday?

2010-07-26T12:36:00.021-05:00

This is my first "miscellany monday." Here goes.

1. MP3 Madness

I bought Cash an ipod for his birthday (the boy has finally jumped on that technology bandwagon) and he spent 9 hours (no, I am not joking) transferring all of his cds and our vinyl to the computer. Please keep in mind that I already have the majority of his old man library on my ipod-- along with my insane tune collection. Between the two of us, we have over 14,000 mp3s. Steve Jobs SHOULD be offering us a job. (or an itunes Gift Card)

2. Hunting-n-Gathering

I need to go grocery shopping. (I'm considering very odd food combinations here) The lack of food in this house is shocking and it makes me think of all of those students who go through the summer months hungry. School lunches may suck (which they do) but in our school district for some, they are life sustaining. Grocery shopping DEFINITELY sucks but at least our lack of food is due to my laziness instead of inability to provide. Today, I'm even thankful for the impending Walmart trip.

3. That was a dream? thank goodness.

I had a dream this morning about the first day of school. In the dream, I forgot everything I needed for the first day. I needed copies, so I went to ask my closest friend Pearl if she would get them for me. Her class was so terrible that our Principal busted out a window to get them to be quiet. I decided I didn't need the copies. I hope my dreams haven't suddenly become prophetic.

4. Not a Young-en Anymore?

I've started to watch Gilmore Girls again and I forgot how much I love it. The show makes me want to have a teenage daughter who is really smart and witty. I want her to go to Yale, listen to the Smiths, and drive a Prius. The sad thing in that scenario is that I now relate more to the 38 year old mom...than the 20 something daughter. Great.

5. Treadmill Blues

I was skinny for 2 years of my life. Seriously, that's it. I walked 5 miles EVERY SINGLE DAY and I ate healthy food. I often look back at that time with such awe---the designer jeans---the tiny shirts---the confidence. This summer was SUPPOSED to be my "get fit" break. Let's just say that I have fallen short of that. Now, with the school year ever closer, I am trying to make up for the last 2 months of sloth-like behavior. I still have many of those "skinny outfits." I tried to try a pair of old jeans on the other day. Let the record show that I wasn't able to pull them up past my knees. Treadmill, here I come. Joe's Jeans, get ready. Sooner or later, I'm going to bring you out of retirement.

Did I Just Hear That?

2010-07-15T00:12:00.016-05:00

The classroom has been an interesting place for me over the past 4 years. I'm getting pretty good at entertaining 16 year olds--I love my subject--summers are WONDERFUL--and sometimes I enjoy having to buy new red pens after grading AP exams. All of these things make my job enjoyable but "they" (those who TRIED to teach me how to teach) failed to warn me about a very odd phenomenon that occurred almost immediately after I got my own class. I was instantly surprised at my ability to eavesdrop on conversations. I mean, I can stand in the front of the classroom and still pick out what each student is saying. Now, for obvious reasons, this often plays to my advantage but geez I have to google some of the slang they throw around. Some conversations are sad and they make me worry. Some are just funny. A few of my recent favorites include:

"I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. You know what, I don't think I've brushed them all week. My molers feel like they are wearing sweaters."

Spoken by a 16 year old boy: "I really wish unicorns were real. Seriously, I really wish that." (hey, don't we all?)

"That's what she said."

"When I die, I want my family to freeze my body like that old baseball player. They'll have all of that stuff figured out by the time we get old. Then they can thaw him out too and we'll be friends, because seriously, we'll have a lot in common."

"My mom turned 34 yesterday. I can't even imagine being that old."

"I'm actually learning something in this class."

wait. maybe that one wasn't so funny.

It's Coming...

2010-07-12T20:56:00.003-05:00

I busted out the old World History Teacher's Edition & Department Pacing Guide today...The success of a school year depends upon MUCH planning and unfortunately, that means I need to get started soon.

A Better Story

2010-07-05T23:36:00.023-05:00

I just finished A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. After reading Blue Like Jazz I couldn't wait to get my hands on this book and let me tell you, it was worth it. The book analyzed the necessary elements of an entertaining story--strong characters, conflict, climax, resolution--and then applied them to REAL LIFE. He has essentially decided to make sure that his life is a story worth telling--one with deliberate scenes, instead of random ones. It's as if I NEEDED to read this book, like he wrote it FOR ME.

Lately, I've been throwing around the word "rut." "I'm in a rut." "I keep digging ruts." "I hate ruts."

I thought that during each school year that I had no other choice but to establish a routine (aka a rut) and stick to it (for my sanity)--but my routines have continued into my summer breaks and I have a feeling that if things don't change, they will continue until I'm 30-35-40-and so on. You know, sometimes I look at people who DO remarkable things (working with charities, traveling, taking on new careers) and I envy them. I know that they are brave and they are willing to take risks with their lives and money and I have often wondered, "why not me?"

In my teens I was convinced that I was supposed to do something meaningful. God had started a story with me that wasn't boring. From very early in my life, I had to overcome things that SHOULD have made me a better--braver person. But somewhere along the way I chose to create in myself, a new character, a boring one. This new character tends to be a coward and revels in the mundane of life.

I don't think I want this storyline to continue. I have a wonderful husband with whom I get to share this life and I have real friends. I have social issues that I am passionate about and a job that lends itself to changing lives.

It's going to be hard to get started. Living a boring life is easy. But I think I have everything I need to write memorable scenes--and an overall better story.

"If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn’t cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn’t tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you’d seen. The truth is, you wouldn’t remember that movie a week later, except you’d feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo. But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to feel meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either." -Donald Miller

2nd Annual Flannel Fourth of July

2010-07-04T13:43:00.029-05:00

July 4, 2010

Last year on the 4th of July, it rained. I mean, it was POURING on the lake but we braved the weather and made our way to Sandy Beach to watch the fireworks with every other patriotic lake-goer. We were freezing so we threw on the only thing in the lakehouse, old flannel shirts. It didn't rain this year, but in keeping with tradition, we decided to bust out the flannel once again.

The weekend was incredible. The food was great, the weather was nice, and we played lots of fun games.

Chip & Andrea (Pearl)

I always, always, always, have the best time with Pearl (and CHIP)...she is the best friend a gal could have!

. July 4, 2009

Happy 4th!

2010-07-02T15:21:00.008-05:00

We are heading to the lake with our closest friends....the Glenns! (Chip, Pearl, & Grayson) I made this pretty little cake (courtesy of the Pioneer Woman) for dessert and I can't wait for a spectacular weekend! I hope YOUR weekend is just as wonderful!

We just can't help it!

2010-07-02T13:25:00.006-05:00

Pearl and I had a MUCH NEEDED night out this week. It was a splendid little evening. We discovered a new accessory store called, Charming Charlie, and let me say....it was AMAZING. I've never seen any thing like it actually.(SOOO many fun things to buy) I was a bit overwhelmed, so we grabbed a few things and made a vow that we would come back when we had more time. We had dinner at Ya-Ya's which is a European Bistro Chenal (and it was spectacular) and then we fulfilled a tradition 3 years in the making....ECLIPSE! We are grown women--standing in line with 16 year olds---but we don't care! I don't often indulge in things like this but hey, we love Edward too. Like seriously, we love him.

Vinyl Love

2010-06-27T01:06:00.013-05:00

For my 27th birthday Cash gave me a record player. Over the last year I have been diligently seeking quality vinyl and I can say that my collection is growing and is quite impressive. My mother had super taste in music and I scrounged some British pop, jazz, and a few Broadway Musical scores from her old collection. My father handed down many of his southern rock albums...and Cash's dad gave me his ENTIRE Beatles anthology (including the White Album and a Rare B-Side cut). A few colleagues heard that I was on a record search and they too donated to my collection. (I scored some sweet 80s R&B) To my pleasure, most artists are releasing their new stuff on vinyl and amazon.com has an AMAZING record store. (to which I have paid lots of money over the past few months)

I say all of this because there's something about the sound of that needle hitting the record and on this sleepless night, I've decided that this is my favorite birthday present...EVER.

A MUCH Needed Blog Facelift

2010-06-26T21:17:00.007-05:00

I've been spying on blogs for weeks, eye-balling their cute layouts (and coveting them). I tried to give mine a makeover on my own but that ended in many failed attempts and frustration levels that usually culminated in words that aren't appropriate for this gal to be saying. So, I found someone to fix the blog for me. Her name is Bailey and she's super talented and super sweet. It was inexpensive and for me, painless. So, if you too want to give your blog a facelift and HTML isn't a language your fluent in, check out her website!

http://bsblogboutique.blogspot.com/

Summer Reading

2010-06-18T14:50:00.004-05:00

I am so excited! Wait for it............I get to read for FUN! I love summer!

The Green Eyed Monster

2010-06-13T21:44:00.023-05:00

Cash bought our house the year before we married and it's lovely. It's small but cozy and it's full of things that we bought together and that people were kind enough to give us as we began our lives as a married couple. We have lived here for 3 years now and the house has been everything that we need. As we toy with the idea of starting a family however, the thought of a linen closet and a pantry is extremely appealing. So, we are cautiously beginning the house hunting process. I have (all of my life) struggled with patience . Luckily, my husband has more patience than any person I have ever known, so he usually brings me back down to earth when it comes to the wild gap between what I think we SHOULD be able to do and the reality of our situation.
Today however, after stopping by 2 open houses, I acted like an ungrateful child. We aren't quite ready to buy and our "look but don't purchase" Sunday aggravated me.

I don't know if it was just my mood or the fact that our house was messy but when we got home, I had this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I looked around and all I could see was the coffee stain on our carpet (from the time I spilled my Peppermint Mocha Twist in the entryway and Cash spent 4 hours cleaning it...because I was crying, "I've ruined our house!") and the scratched paint in the kitchen from Oliver's "puppy" days and thought, "what a dump."
It didn't take me long to spiral into a terrible mood complete with LOUD sighs of discontent. Poor Cash. Did he know he married the most ungrateful person in the world?

In college, I surrounded myself with young adults who had been blessed with very wealthy families. They lived different lifestyles, usually void of fiscal responsibility and very little personal accountability. Please don't get me wrong, I am not knocking a parent's ability to provide nice things for their child....I am simply whining that mine weren't able to do it! I lost track of the natural progression of things. My grandmother tried to teach me the importance of hard work and frugality...and as a teenager I believe that I ascribed to those beliefs. Somewhere along the way I began to believe that the road to adulthood was paved with free houses and life long allowances.

Back to the story. Cash could sense my not-so-subtle mood and began to quietly pick up around the house. (Once again, he is ENTIRELY too patient with me) and as our messy house became clean again, I started to feel very ashamed. "When did this happen to me?" I thought. There's the problem. This state of ungratefulness didn't happen TO me, I chose it. This isn't the person that I hoped to become and I think it might be a symptom of a greater problem.

In my selfish stupor, I decided to pick up where I left of in, Blue Like Jazz . (I needed to do something that took my mind off of the incredible guilt I was feeling) A common topic in the book is the author's constant struggle with selfishness and how at times, this selfishness blinds him to the needs of people and what our true purpose is. Talk about a message from the Lord. This passage made me realize that the green eyed monster in the mirror was a reflection I never wanted to see again.

"If I live what I believe, then I don't believe in very noble things. My
life testifies that the first thing I believe is that I am the most important
person in the world. My life testifies to this because I care more about my food
and shelter and happiness than anybody else. I am learning to believe in better
things. I am learning to believe that other people exist, that fashion is not truth; rather, Jesus is the most important figure in history, and the gospel is the most powerful force in the universe. I am learning not to be passionate about empty things, but to cultivate passion for justice, grace, truth, and to communicate the idea that Jesus likes people---he even loves
them."
-Donald Miller

Truthfully, I am so grateful for what the Lord has given me and I really do love this house. Right now, I can smell my new candle burning and hear the low hum of the washing machine. Cash is asleep and he still loves me (in spite of my selfishness) and from my oh-so-comfortable reading chair, I can't even see that terrible coffee stain.

Pearl & Faye

2010-06-12T17:22:00.015-05:00

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."

-Samuel Johnston

Hot Child in the City

2010-06-09T23:05:00.047-05:00

Pearl an I decided to take our young-ens (well, I took my niece because I don't have a child quite yet) to the zoo. This USED to be a favorite outing of mine....but today, my zoo experience wasn't very rewarding. The facility was disgusting---half of the exhibits were under construction and by 9 a.m. it was about 99 degrees, so most of the animals stayed inside anyway. (hey, who can blame them?) By the time we hit the run-down Gazelle exhibit, this aunt was READY TO GO HOME.

The kids didn't seem to notice...the girls squealed with delight at each new cage and for a very fleeting moment, I missed being a kid. I'll bet the zoo was equally disappointing to my mother as she followed me through the stinky reptile house and the totally depressing Gorilla habitat....but I enjoyed it. And Logan did too.

I love spending time with Andrea and bringing the kiddos along was pretty cool. It was a good day.

Mamaw Knight

2010-06-01T22:24:00.021-05:00

My mamaw recently had a birthday and it is hard for me to imagine at times, that she had a wonderful life before I knew her. She is an extraordinary woman and
I love her so very much!

You Are the Best Thing

2010-06-01T21:13:00.012-05:00

LOVE.

Keep Breathing

2010-05-29T00:08:00.023-05:00

After several weeks of drowning, I feel as if I am starting to resurface. Professionally, this semester has been the most challenging. I didn't connect well with this group of students and to be honest, my heart hasn't been in it. My off the

charts stress
levels have inevitably taken a toll on my personal life. I am not a fan of ruts and the one I'm in right now is wearing on me.

I NEED to read for pleasure. I NEED to clean the base boards in my house. I NEED to have a yard sale. I NEED to paint my toenails. I NEED to blog regularly. I NEED to go on a date with the Cashter. I NEED to spend some serious time with my best friend. I NEED to eat a snow cone. Ok, so maybe all of these things are WANTS....but......

I NEED to go to sleep because I have 30 WWII exams to grade tomorrow and I still have another full week of school.

I NEED a break. (and I bet you do too now, after reading this whiny post)

Meatball Monday

2010-03-01T18:40:00.005-06:00

I've decided that it's time for me to kick domesticity into high gear. We are CONSIDERING the POSSIBILITY of starting a family in the NEAR (but not immediate) future and my goal is the begin cultivating adult-like habits. So, we are now planning our meals for each week (thanks for the inspiration Liza) I am collecting recipes like crazy, and our home looks like an ad from The Container Store. (we're talking serious organization)

Tonight, I made yummy meatballs, grilled asparagus, and a beautiful salad with lots of colorful veggies. I like having a plan. I like making lists. ( I like meatballs)

Maybe this grown-up stuff isn't so bad.

Fever Dreams

2010-02-21T20:54:00.008-06:00

I have recurring dreams. Well actually, I have one dream, over and over. It started six months before my mother died and I have had it a few times a year ever since. At first, I had it when I was under the weather. A fever dream. But then it became regular. The sequence used to terrify me, the door that opens to another door....the sound of a shower....the blinding white hallway....but now, I have come to relish the familiarity of each scene.

The frustrating part about this dream is that it doesn't change. Literally. The order, the sounds, the emotions, the point at which I wake up. I had it last night and when I woke, I was angry once again that I couldn't make it to the end of that hallway.

I am a skeptic when it comes to dream analysis and interpretation, but I am convinced that there is something I am supposed to notice. What am I missing?

I suppose I will have to wait until September or so to find myself in the familiar subconscious. Maybe then I'll see something new.

I forgot to remember to forget

2010-02-09T23:37:00.023-06:00

Today, I decided to use the snow day to accomplish something of value so I organized all of my old pictures. I recently purchased some vintage photo boxes and I set out on the difficult task of organization by year. I had trouble at first, the differences between the "Caras" in the pictures were subtle. And I haven't thought about those times in my life in so long.

Longer hair.....more weight....less weight...shorter hair...terrible Doc Marten shoes...

In the bottom of one of the boxes was an envelope full of photos from a time that was very special to me. I believe in definitive moments, ones that shape the course of your life and who you become. With every photo, a distinct memory came back to me with perfect clarity.

An old blue chevy truck. thanksgiving night. a graveyard. sterling roses. a dog named angel. a letter delievered secretly. 1.2.3. a roof in mexico. august 18, 1998. a fishing pond. the driveway. romeo & juliet. skeptical friends. promises made & broken.

Even after all this time, I guess I forgot to remember to forget.

Really, it's simple.......

2010-01-30T17:21:00.016-06:00

My Aunt Debi and Uncle Mike recently moved to Houston where she is to be treated for preluekemia. Today, I have been catching up with them through her blog. Mike also sent me the sweetest picture of their newly shaved heads. She seems to be in the highest of spirits and it made me think about how different her days are now.

I, more than anyone I know, am a creature of habit. I follow the SAME routine each and everyday. More often than not, I complain about how seemingly insignificant my life is but
thinking about Debi and how HER routine (whatever that may have been) has now been interrupted makes me so very thankful for the simple things I enjoy on a daily basis.
So in honor of the simple pleasures God has given me, here are my Top 10 Mundane-Yet Spectacular-Daily Blessings. (In no particular order)

1. Our 1000 thread count sheets...sweet dreams!
2. The fact that I haven't had to go to the doctor in a long time.
3. Long hot baths.
4. "Office" marathons with Cash
5. The surround sound in our living room....perfect for tunes on a week night.
6. Sleeping in on Saturdays (the sheets, the sheets!)
7. Sharing inside jokes with a best friend.
8. Big Sexy Root Pump & the perfect "poof" comb
9. My extra strength book light that I got for Christmas...perfect for reading before bed.
10. Mulled Cider Candles....our house smells incredible!

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon

Mums the Word

2010-01-12T21:51:00.005-06:00

Mums are very odd little flowers. They are often associated with fall festivals and the changing seasons...they thrive not only in the warmth of the summer months but in the cold winter. They are not particularly beautiful, I have yet to meet someone who claims that Mums are their favorite flower. They are perfectly ordinary. The hardy little plant made me think today. How extraordinary, adding color to a usually colorless landscape.

2010-01-11T23:04:00.004-06:00

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."

For those days when it would be easier to learn nothing.

Lately, I've noticed...

2010-01-10T15:30:00.009-06:00

1. Blue hydrangeas are making a comeback. (unfortunately)

2. I actually miss the warm weather.

3. I'm getting wrinkles around my eyes and mouth. ( I will chalk them up to my happy personality..I'm getting laugh lines, that's better)

4. The town I grew up in has entirely too many banks and churches. (ever heard the phrase, "too many options can kill a man?")

5. More and more hybrid vehicles on the road. (sadly, this is a bandwagon I have yet to jump on)

6. I'm twenty seven years old. Holy Cow, when did that happen?

7. Many people I know have acquired enhanced body parts....(guess they realized that they were 27 too..they didn't take it too well)

8. Poor neighborhoods are being renovated around town....finally.

9. I am a creature of habit. Maybe I should say, I am constantly digging ruts.

10. Married life is pretty spectacular, in a real-life, ordinary kind of way.

A few memories, if I could keep nothing else...

2010-01-07T17:13:00.028-06:00

1.The night I met Cash...Room 1....Sig Ep House.....smitten.

2. Wedding Day....sharing it with the people that I love the most in the world.

3. Snow/Ice storm in 2002....massive slumber party with my favorite people...snowed in for days.....camaraderie.

4. Christmas Eve....5 years old...caught my parents putting presents under the tree...the jig was up, but we were together.

5. My first night in my own apartment....responsibility, freedom, self-reliance, excitement.

6. Thanksgiving Night....1998....good friends and first loves.

7. Holidays with my sister and niece.

8. 5th grade overnight field trip with my mom.....

9. Mission Trip....Mexico.....building a church in a small village.....generosity of the poor locals and the thought of the lasting impact made.......

10.Those rare but rewarding "got it" moments in the classroom....

Songs for a Winter's Night

2010-01-05T23:42:00.011-06:00

(In no particular order. Well, actually, the shuffle order on my ipod)

1. Most of the Time.....Bob Dylan

2. Turn Your Lights Down Low.....Lauryn Hill & Bob Marley

3. Song for a Winter's Night.....Sarah McLachlan (how perfect)

4. Coming Around Again.....Carly Simon

5. Alison.....Elvis Costello

6. You are Mine....Mutemath

7. Dear Old Friend.....Patty Griffin

8. Jolene.....Ray LaMontagne

9. Words.....Ryan Adams

10.World Spins Madly On.....The Weepies

"And everything in time and under heaven finally falls asleep. Wrapped in blankets white, all creation shivers underneath. And still I notice you when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass. Even now in death you open doors for life to enter....you are winter."

It's October Again

2009-10-09T22:35:00.010-05:00

Early morning phone call. bitter cold. blue umbrella. green dress. brad's red hair. folding chairs. crowded rooms. shaking hands. family. long hallway. science class. erin's face. heavy sleep.

definitive moments.

Conditioned Responses

2009-08-29T21:50:00.021-05:00

In the backyard of my grandmother's house is a storm cellar. I don't think anyone has actually been in it in years, but I spent many Spring evenings there as a child. In reality, it was a meeting place, the forum of the Knight family. Mamaw insisted on having one when my grandfather built the house. She was convinced that her downfall was to brought about by a tornado, so he happily obliged. It's rather large for a storm shelter. Our entire family could fit easily (at least 12-15 of us) and she stashed enough canned goods to last a week, you know, if things got really bad.

This state's unpredictable weather is a bother when your guardian is terrified of rain storms. The sight of the tiny Arkansas on the bottom of my television screen inevitably meant the cancellation of any plans and while as young child a trip anywhere with a flashlight was somewhat exciting, in my teenage years it was a hassle. Without fail, EVERY thunderstorm warning resulted in a trip. My grandmother would pace around the house and look frequently out of the window. Then she would call my uncles, at which time I would rummage for a book, flashlight, and my shoes. We planned Christmas dinners and birthday celebrations there in the dim light of a kerosene lantern.

Entertaining her fears only magnified and perpetuated them. The absurdity of the trips began to wear on me and my family and slowly but surely we refused to meet her in the safe haven. When I went to college, I found myself relieved on numerous occasions, to be free of the guaranteed panic brought about by each rain drop.

I hadn't thought of those memories in ages but a funny thing happened a few weeks ago. We were on the interstate and it was raining, the sky had turned a dark gray. I had my phone in hand within seconds and was dialing a familiar phone number. Cash asked, "are you calling your grandmother?" "Yes. How did you know?" I asked startled.
He laughed. "You call her every time it rains. You've been doing it for as long as I've known you."

Memories from nights in the storm shelter flooded back to me. Like one of Pavlov's Dogs, salivating when a bell rings, I am conditioned to call my grandmother at the slightest hint of a storm.
She answered on the 2nd ring, she doesn't have caller ID. "I'm fine Cara. Thinking of going to the cellar. Do you want to come?"

I smiled.

In the trenches...of World History Class

2009-08-12T22:11:00.015-05:00

It's that time of year again. In adolescence, late August meant a trip to the store for the necessities of a new school year. I wholeheartedly blame my mother for my choice of profession. For my 8th birthday she turned my bedroom into a classroom-- with a chalkboard on the wall and a teacher's desk filled with supplies. I spent hours blabbering to the walls of my room. It's odd how things come full circle. August still excites me...instead of teaching imaginary pupils, I am now responsible for the "historical education" of 90 sophomores.

I love my job. I love my students. At times I can't help but feel jealous of them. They are so young and have so much to look forward to and because at this age it is impossible for them to realize their infinite possibilities it is my responsibility to look ahead for them. The funny thing is that they end up teaching me too. They have helped me become more open minded and less critical. Every day they help me become a better version of myself. I'm so thankful to have met some of the coolest young adults around.

So, bring it on new crop of 15-16 year olds! Mrs. Cromwell is ready for you!

A Remembered Encounter

2009-08-08T00:08:00.013-05:00

As a child, on rare nights when a book and the space heater in my bathroom couldn't satisfy me, I made my way to the middle of the house to warm myself by the wood burning stove. Occasionally I met my mother there, she having also grown bored or chilly on her side of the house. This particular encounter took place at Christmas time. My mother and I shared the too small sofa. She watched "Moonlighting" and I watched the lights on the Christmas tree.

The living room in that old house was hot and I shed my winter layers. I could count on my mother's poor circulation to keep her skin cool which provided me with much needed relief. I closed one eye and the lights on the tree shifted focus and blurred. I found that I could make out holes in their arrangement. We were particularly sloppy that year.

It's odd. I can't remember one real conversation with my mother. I can however, recall the feeling of contentment with one eye closed, resting my bare feet on her cold thigh. She made a joke about Bruce Willis but I wasn't really listening. I fell asleep. That's it. That's all I remember.

Sometimes I wonder what type of relationship we would have if she were alive. My imagination creates ideas of a wonderful friendship. Mother and daughter equally lonely at times but happy with each other but my mind tends to glorify and exaggerate details that are undeserving. Is it possible to really desire something with which you are totally unfamiliar? I hold on to moments I can't fully recall. They are blurry patterns with gaping holes just like the lights on that Christmas tree.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have paid attention to that joke.

Oliver Cromwell + Red pen

2009-08-06T16:09:00.005-05:00

Before the red pen....

And after...

Viva Las Vegas!

2009-08-06T00:13:00.016-05:00

Flight delays and panic attacks call for desperate measures...the economy rental!

Cash had a training course to attend in Las Vegas a few weeks ago and I was lucky enough to tag along. My closest friend and her husband also came and though the FEAR of the plane ride almost killed me, we had a great time. What a cool city! We aren't really gamblers but Cash tried his hand at a slot machine and won $30! (we promptly cashed out and called it a night) We saw Hoover Dam and visited the Eiffel Tower. We strolled the streets of Venice and saw the Statue of Liberty. All in all it was so nice to spend time with Cash who, by the way, is an expert traveler. He takes charge and has a wonderful sense of direction. If you know Cash (or Joe Cash) his calm spirit and easy temper are just a few of his lovable character traits. As I mentioned earlier, I am terrified of flying but he was so very patient. We arrived at the airport (coming home) at 6:00 a.m. and encountered 4 hour delay. With the delay we would miss our connecting flight in Dallas but American Airlines was so kind as to offer many alternatives. Stay in Dallas and catch a prop plane home the next day...fly to Chicago then to Charlotte then to LR....by this point I had almost reached a full blown panic attack. Cash however, calmly remedied the situation by renting a car and driving us home from Dallas. I am truly blessed.
Road Trip!

I also really enjoyed spending time with Andrea. She has become my closest ally at school and other than Cash, in life. I'm really sad to see the summer end but I am so very thankful to have had such a great time.

Hello! Anyone out there?

2009-08-05T23:34:00.002-05:00

I created this blog a few months ago. It was late and I was reading about the life of someone I didn't know and on a whim, decided to create a profile. (is that what it's called?) It probably isn't fair to claim that my husband will be a contributor. He isn't one for technology, aside from his newly acquired Playstation 3, but because he will often be included in my entries, I thought it would be nice to put this out there as an occasional joint effort. I have often found encouragement and humor in the writings of others and I hope that my ramblings can do the same for someone else. So...Hello! Is there anyone out there?